The Surprises of Hell

I have just returned from a foul place called Hell,
Where all things are tormented and wild,
‘Tis exactly the same as our vicars tell
In their sermons to each growing child.

Many familiar faces, scores of great fame,
Were involved with feeding those fires,
Some for violent crimes and unrepented shame,
Others for avarice or gross perverted desires.

A choice collection of scientists and politicians,
Every general who called men to Wars,
Ample folk for blasphemy and felonious seditions,
Expired terrorists, duly damned by their cause.

Monarchs and sheiks, deceased heads of state,
All had transgressed God’s Commandments in Life,
And for their past Sins tended the furnace’s grate
Under directions from Old Nick’s chief wife.

But I was redeemed, and shown to the door,
Given a chance to earn Immortal Parole :
“Go forth, tempt some souls, a few million more,
For all Mankind is now ripe to enroll.”