Castigated by Proselytizing Clerics as a Baneful Vice,
A Soul cast down to Hades will be the Ultimate Price,
For thy covert consorts with the salacious Widow Palm
And her Five Compliant Daughters are classed illicit balm.
Controversy and Contradiction tint the subject quite Absurd,
Opinions Vilifying or Promoting monopolize the written word,
Throughout the Fourth Estate’s domain, reviews oft employed
Of Johnson and Masters theories, and those of Doctor Freud.
Proscribed by D H Lawrence, due his own Chronic Addiction,
He wore boxing gloves in bed to avoid Spiritual Dereliction;
A Stigmatic Curse of Opthalmia, pervasive juvenile rumours,
Surpassed only by belief its consequence is priapic tumours.
Does it transgress the Ten Commandments of Moses’ Holy Law
To Manipulate one’s own Appendage with an Anointed Paw ?
As Third of the Deadly Sins it perhaps might well qualify,
And incorporate the Fifth, if one persists until they die.
Yet Libidinous Passions are Diminished by this Insular Act,
To the Detriment of no Third Party a certain Immutable Fact,
And the Female of our Species? A fair Proxy for Masturbation
If one simply closes his eyes, and Exploits the Imagination.