Saturday, 20 September 2008

The Methusela Cipher

Who wants to live Forever ? All declare Me! and Me! and Me!
After reaching sixty-five the whole Shebang’s for Free,
But can a Welfare State shoulder the burden of Immortals
Trooping every Friday through the Cornucopia’s portals ?

Perhaps a Legislative Amendment to elevate retirement age,
Far beyond three score and five set the qualifying gauge,
Keep the Masses in Servitude, seven centuries should do,
Before granting Pension’s Pasture and their annuities due.

Who wants to live Forever ? Perchance a few might quail,
Upon studying the Protocols to attain this Esoteric Grail,
A purge of dogmatic nutritional habits may induce disquiet
When all Fried nosh be expunged from the Dictionary of Diet,
For the Key to Biblical Longevity, with a euphoric sprightly gait,
Lies not in Cabalistic Ritual, but what Lies upon thy Plate.
So to those errant Parsivals, who on such Quests might go,
Thy Odysseys are ended, the Catholicon’s secret lies below.

A daily diet’s regimen, one of raw vegetables and fruits,
Eschew the spleen of pork pies or sausage in pastry suits,
To all confectioneries and sugars, bid a sad Farewell,
Their pathway leads not to Heaven, but the bowels of Hell.
Five black grapes, diurnal, and masticate the pips,
Then ingest their substance, though bitter on the lips,
Three almonds precisely ensures Immunity from Cancer,
This therapy warrants Centenarians the virility of a Lancer.
A teaspoon of virgin olive oil, a gill of soured lactic milk,
A knob of green ginger pure, but no other rhizome’s ilk,
Chaw a brace of raw garlic cloves with thy daily meal,
A panacea for all mortal ills, and the smell is no big deal.

The condiment of salt, too, is banished from the table
Adequate in root herbage to keep Men strong and able,
Feast on the grains in all their forms, natural and unrefined,
For white bread be a Death Warrant, awaiting to be Signed.
Worship the Humble Onion, the purple-hued more than white,
And revere the Tomato for his Concealed Potent Might.
Forswear of strong coffee, limit intake to one black cup,
Tisanes of red clover and the demure plantain should sup.

Adios to mephitic fast foods at the local Chew and Spew,
And imbibing to Saturation on thy favoured dram or brew,
Unto Nicotine’s dedicated votaries, avoid flagrant excess,
Though no detriment in sweet Tobacco’s occasional caress.
The next imposed requirement will come as no surprise,
A committed weekly schedule to cardio-vascular exercise.
Afore the ensuing remedial, medical science might pale,
Partake of six glasses that puissant nectar, Adam’s Ale,
‘Twill fortify the Inner Self, tormented guts wax placid,
Keeps the body slightly alkali and dilutes baneful acid.

Embrace the bee’s production, far doth she forage and roam,
One tablespoon of wild honey, intact with pollen and comb.
Close up thy gawking maw, the nose alone draws breath,
Deeply, down to the groin, to belay maladies, and Death.
Strive toward the Great Becoming, a prize not so elusive,
This byway to Hygeia’s graces be veracious and conclusive
If thee spurns the seductive calls of Cuisine’s Prostitution,
Man, the Physical Bastion, with a Supernatural Constitution.

One basic healing proverb, that Time hath proven true,
Never worry selfish Worry, until Worry worries You;
Thrive on the analeptic benefits of Eternal Optimism,
Bias towards cynical trends invites a Spiritual schism,
Laugh squarely in the faces, of Tribulation and Adversity,
Provide Pessimism’s specter no welcome mat or courtesy.
For Men embrace neuroses, and are apt to fret deliriously,
Life itself might be abridged if one takes it too Seriously.

Mayhap this therapeutic Formula earns thy acute disdain,
But as the Maxim clearly states : without Pain there is no Gain.
Man hath become sad victim of aberrant culinary tradition,
For Sickness does not Exist, it’s a Symptom of the Condition.
So pile upon my Heresies the hot coals of Condemnation,
If thee harbours no care to outlive the younger generation,
Yet whatever your Aspirations, for thy Life and Situation,
Practice Moderation in all of things, especially Moderation.

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