Ref. Creation’s Controversy, it took far longer than Six Days,
Man’s chronicles are distorted due Religion’s cozening ways,
A Concoction of rewriting, and counterfeited innovation,
The whole of Biblical essence has become sheer Fabrication
First the Rabbinic morons mistranslated every other verse,
Then the Vatican’s forgers meddled to make it even worse;
Mad Mohammed, high on ganja, published his own Editions
Of prior distorted Annals, thus compounded past seditions.
Then the Catholic Hierarchy, as further Theological Investment,
Conjured up an additional Heresy titled The New Testament,
Wherein God, of all Deities, is pronounced to have a Son
By some Hebrew wench named Mary, so their tale is spun,
And this Divine Progeny thus sets abroad preaching Good,
Upsets the Sanhedrin and gets nailed on two balks of wood.
So the time has come to pass to set this record straight,
Before History rushes on, through the Millennium’s gate,
The Universe was Created in a series of Fits and Starts,
Due waiting on Designs and Finance, or deliveries of Parts.
When the Earth was formed, from Etheric clay and shale,
Heaven already existed, bought in a Celestial garage sale,
A Paradise second-hand but a sure Bargain at the Price,
God grabbed the best villa, but all the cottages were nice.
Swimming pools abundant, two eighteen hole golf courses,
Stables of fine thoroughbreds, if Angels ever rode horses,
Extensive a la carte menus, and wine with every meal,
Lunches of freshly-tossed pizza and milk-fed tender veal,
Ah, so much to see and do, and at prices one could afford,
But even those Supernal Aristocrats ultimately got Bored.
And so it came to pass, due the Seraphim’s frustration,
They decided to continue with the Great Works of Creation,
And planned a Solar System, the Conception and the Birth,
Wherein today still orbits our own beloved Planet Earth.
The Archangel Saitan, whose engineering skills Unmatched,
Had crafted several Galaxies and a few repaired or patched,
So of the Heavenly Construction Host he took firm Command,
As God was occupied with accountants, and his tax demand.
This Great Industry was commenced at eight o’clock sharp,
On a Monday morning, to the sounds of clarion and harp,
During the second week of August, straight after early tea,
In the year Six Billion, Nine Thousand and Twenty -Three.
By Tuesday evening the Sun was ignited and shone bright,
A couple of minor adjustments synchronized day and night,
Nine Planets were formed by Wednesday, with orbits regulated,
Then satellite moons allotted to each, and perfectly situated,
( Four outer planets were cancelled due Gravitational effect,
And Pluto, being so distant, suffered Landscaping neglect )
All was running to Divine schedule, no end of mystical tricks,
Young Gabriel built the Asteroid Belt out of left-over bricks.
Yet Earth’s position was Nonpareil, she was the Chef-d’oeuvre,
Upon her primordial visage the Angels bestowed sacred Love,
Amino acids and proteins, and other occult chemical grains,
Were sown among the clouds to meld with winds and rains;
Then upon the Firmament botanic miracles were duly seen,
Legions of diverse species grew, a vast carpeting of green.
The oceans were still turbid, and cast a feculent amber hue,
Until Saitan’s micturation tinged them chromatic cobalt blue.
By Saturday, come five pm, the Great Labour was Complete,
And Saitan threw a party to celebrate their Colossal Feat,
Six days had he forecast to perform this monumental task,
A schedule maintained, what more might any Deity ask.
The Seraphim in Array gathered upon Earth’s fertile ground,
With qualified complacency, thus passed the drinks around,
And toasted well the Architect Saitan for his Grand Design,
As each Angel lent a hand to turn the water into wine.
Beneath a gibbous moon, they laughed and sang and drank,
Integrated upon soft turf, with no distinction to their rank,
Melodious harps and floral scents imbued the balmy breeze,
And fruits of myriad diversity hung in festoons on the trees;
And Saitan proclaimed to all “ Let us tarry here for a spell,
‘Tis the finest planet yet created, and think I’ll call it Hell,
And this particular grove we chose for tipplin’ and feedin’
Shalt be our Hallowed garden, and bear the name of Eden.”
Come the Sunday morning, none attended Heaven’s call,
God sat alone in church, as His Seraphs were still AWOL,
Recovering from hangovers, wings and haloes all askew,
For grapes of the Celestial vintage ferment a fearful brew.
Directly after matins God mounted Pegasus and flew out,
In a vengeful, jealous mood aggravated by revenant gout,
Espied their novel terrestrial handiwork, and duly zeroed in,
His temper set choleric, and meager patience wearing thin.
With vindictive envy He viewed the Masterpiece of Creation,
Decried Saitan’s Arrogance and Cursed him with Damnation,
For conceiving an Elysium surpassing Heaven’s Pulchritude,
Exiled him upon the Earth, and thus began the Eternal Feud.
But Saitan had well achieved his workload’s due quota,
And for God’s fiery upbraiding really didn’t care one iota,
Responded in Like Kind, with a few harsh words and facts,
Concerning God’s own short-comings and erroneous acts.
“You created the Andromeda Galaxy in five days or less,
Yet another botched up job, thy whole Cosmos is a mess,
It’s best you stay in Heaven, playing scrabble or chess
With your Sycophantic Cherubim and Senescent Peers,
And leave the design of Constellations to us Engineers.”
“Your red X3 Sigma stars are collapsing into Black Holes,
All Grade Two planets have palms sprouting at the Poles;
This Space-Time Continuum trick you thought so smart
Gets screwed up by Solar Gravity, not a real work of Art.
If more committed to Forethought, and less done in Haste,
Then half the completed Universe wouldn’t end up as Waste,
Hurtling across the Ether, alike thy Comets and Meteorites,
To perhaps collide with Heaven one of these bloody nights.”
And onward went this Diatribe, a great verbalized Discourse,
All Seraphs a’cheering, for Saitan’s stock swayed the Bourse;
God, stricken apoplectic, His face contorted and dark blue,
Shook with Omnipotent rage as Saitan’s oratory rose anew.
“Thee who stood in Hauteur as your smarmy claqueur sang
Praises to thy Sculpted Universe while their carillons rang,
It’s alike some Primordial Atom exploded with a Big Bang !
All this talk and hyping about thy Powers and fine Creation,
What thee Personally hath Made constitutes an Abomination;
The only functional components were designed and built by Me,
That last Sequoia you crafted turned out a monkey-puzzle tree.
We’re tired of thy Stewardship, your Popularity’s on the Wane,
And come the next Election, we ain’t Voting for you Again !”
Hence the Revolt of Heaven actually took place on this Earth,
And just a few short days after its Conception and due Birth.
“Enough!” cried God in anger, for His spleen was nigh to bust
At Saitan’s fierce Oratorical, in One He hath laid such Trust,
“Thee are Condemned and Exiled to this Utopia, Max Eternal,
And Hell shalt remain its name, forever proscribed Infernal.
I gave thee a single inch, and yet you took a whole full yard, ***
Thy Fraternity be rescinded, and too your Frequent Flier card.”
Then the Seraphim, dislocated, formed into opposed factions,
Varied past Invested Interests befuddled successive actions,
All Fury’s Wrath was Loosened, and Dark did grow the sky,
As Yahweh lost two front teeth and Saitan copped a black eye.
The effects classed more at Skirmish, than a Battle or a War,
Yet its Like, in Heaven’s Grace, None had e’r seen before;
Down and Plumage and gold raiment, strewn o’er the field,
Thunderbolts and punches thrown, but not a one would yield,
Until Saitan, in good Common Sense, called a timely Halt,
Gave into God’s Obstinacy, and declared he was at Fault.
So God herded the Seraphim back through Heaven’s Gates,
Bawled out each Angelic issue as Subversive Reprobates,
And, in His Histrionic Rage, for this Exaggerated Crime,
Slashed their pay by half, backdated to the Dawn of Time.
*** Actually a “Sacred Cubit” of 25 : 2”, but it doesn’t rhyme with “Card”
Thence Saitan exiled on this Earth, ostracized and alone,
His Confrere, the turquoise seas, awash upon gray stone,
And the Firmament, a Cornucopia of Provender and such,
With arboretums begotten where’er was laid his touch;
Of Flora and of Fauna, a potent hand brought into being,
The Great Architect, outcast, enrapt of a Vision farseeing.
Lo ! Yahweh, the Supreme Deity, a grudge forever bore,
And Saitan’s name was Scandalized if brought to the Fore,
His past deeds of Great Merit by God were falsely claimed,
With bouts of recurrent spite at Saitan’s character aimed;
For God, via perjurious slurs in the Biblical Prophets’ ears,
Hath slandered Saitan’s reputation for six thousand years.
Thence, ‘tis due this Acrimony, pervading Creation’s mess,
That Saitan hath been stricken by a perpetual bad press.
And whene’er Saitan’s back was turned God liked to sabotage
Earth’s supreme quintessence and pervert odd things at large,
Within the luscious avocado, God shaped the seed too big,
The scented timid rose, he placed thorns upon each twig,
On the Oceans’ Piscean species, cast a malodorous stink,
Spawned parasites in the pools where animals might drink,
Introduced venomous genera, of the scorpion and snake,
Conjured Adam and Eve as Saitan’s perpetual Headache.
Set Earth’s bowels afire causing Massifs to erupt and smoke,
Formed the woeful platypus as an enigmatic Divine joke,
Ploughed the element Uranium deep in terrestrial soil,
Cursed Jurassic plants and dinosaurs to decompose as oil.
The poor giraffe and ostrich, stretched their necks so long,
Afflicted each of Adam’s progeny with a different tongue.
Hence Saitan is ever Sentinel, with eyes alert and quick,
To thwart God’s truculence and reverse each heinous trick.
Yet Saitan is magnanimous, and allows Man to worship God,
Being of modest demeanor, to this superstition gave his nod,
Aware the inherent hypocrisies of Forgiveness and Salvation
Are beyond the realm of Yahweh’s covenanted Declaration.
Heaven’s reserve is for the Angels, and Great Seraphim alone,
The presence of dead Men’s souls would simply lower the tone,
So come the end of Tellurian span, when tolls Mortality’s Bell,
Human spirits transcend corporeal form, but still remain in Hell.