We design locks to protect virgins from cocks,
Chastity belts renown for their superb latches,
Ne’er to be picked or sprung by keysmiths well-hung:
The consummate sentinels for thy daughter’s snatches.
So, if incessant Viking raids, or protracted Crusades,
Keep thy watchful eyes away from your castles,
Employ our devices, at the most moderate of prices,
To safeguard thy maidens from all lecherous vassals.